did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
