My room smells like vodka and shame
never play flip cup with pint glasses
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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