i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
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