my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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