hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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