when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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