did you get engaged???
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
