dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
