Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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