the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
