is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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