It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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