Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
