just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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