He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
