He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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