rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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