so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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