If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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