This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
