you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
