Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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