we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
