Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
