why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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