My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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