You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
