and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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