M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
