***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
