What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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