C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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