i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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