I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
