I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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