What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
