Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
