We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
