i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
