I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
