if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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