I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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