In America we eat man semen.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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