Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
