worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I die, sorry about rent.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
