After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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