If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
