you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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