He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
