My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
