i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
