I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
