i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
