My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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