I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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