I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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