How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor