at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.