Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(501): View more from Arkansas

i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there

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(501): i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there http://tfl.nu/kuz7

Replies (17) Good night (4813) Bad night (674)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?

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(781): does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant? http://tfl.nu/3cg3

Replies (56) Good night (4205) Bad night (1100)
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(802): View more from Vermont

I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day

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(802): I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day http://tfl.nu/wkei

Replies (13) Good night (4328) Bad night (1112)
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(323): View more from California

No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.

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(323): No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested. http://tfl.nu/53oj

Replies (6) Good night (5017) Bad night (789)
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(916): View more from California

Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be

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(916): Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be http://tfl.nu/iw79

Replies (24) Good night (948) Bad night (4366)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.

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(570): You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians. http://tfl.nu/d2bn

Replies (20) Good night (5927) Bad night (1240)
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(352): View more from Florida

Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.

(352): View more from Florida

And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.

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(352): Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye. (352): And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave. http://tfl.nu/f5gq

Replies (8) Good night (5061) Bad night (1099)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.

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(732): I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this. http://tfl.nu/iud4

Replies (6) Good night (1869) Bad night (698)
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(989): View more from Michigan

Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.

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(989): Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning. http://tfl.nu/ngc6

Replies (2) Good night (761) Bad night (344)
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(802): View more from Vermont

I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest

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(802): I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest http://tfl.nu/d882

Replies (5) Good night (1099) Bad night (356)
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(369): View more from California

I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.

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(369): I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter. http://tfl.nu/wfue

Replies (4) Good night (1099) Bad night (301)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.

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(973): We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record. http://tfl.nu/5jg2

Replies (2) Good night (722) Bad night (304)
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(503): View more from Oregon

That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...

(541): View more from Oregon

Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.

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(503): That's always how I imagine things at your apartment... (541): Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here. http://tfl.nu/wx1r

Replies (0) Good night (643) Bad night (286)
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(512): View more from Texas

Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.

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(512): Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed. http://tfl.nu/bj7a

Replies (12) Good night (361) Bad night (908)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.

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(203): She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift. http://tfl.nu/rhgi

Replies (4) Good night (320) Bad night (643)

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