I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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