So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
