bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
