no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail