i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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