I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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