You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
