Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

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  (703): I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts. http://tfl.nu/s7w5
  Replies (12) Good night (763) Bad night (1293)
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  (408): View more from California

  Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.

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  (408): Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job. http://tfl.nu/w1hi
  Replies (16) Good night (4022) Bad night (499)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.

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  (780): i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least. http://tfl.nu/btfu
  Replies (29) Good night (882) Bad night (2457)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.

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  (732): my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink. http://tfl.nu/ojx1
  Replies (39) Good night (1165) Bad night (3804)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

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  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (17195) Bad night (1231)
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  (585): View more from New York

  The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.

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  (585): The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi. http://tfl.nu/64lh
  Replies (10) Good night (3970) Bad night (1301)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings

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  (214): More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings http://tfl.nu/n37n
  Replies (14) Good night (2756) Bad night (1355)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.

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  (602): Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress. http://tfl.nu/xjnu
  Replies (15) Good night (7197) Bad night (1240)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.

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  (614): My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet. http://tfl.nu/omff
  Replies (11) Good night (860) Bad night (1847)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Ong my arms are moving wo my consent

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  (847): Ong my arms are moving wo my consent http://tfl.nu/lzs5
  Replies (7) Good night (1266) Bad night (623)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.

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  (206): When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later. http://tfl.nu/tpks
  Replies (5) Good night (745) Bad night (1143)
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  (365): View more from

  As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.

  (1-365): View more from

  I was judging you.

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  (365): As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over. (1-365): I was judging you. http://tfl.nu/3tin
  Replies (3) Good night (3201) Bad night (568)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?

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  (906): does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex? http://tfl.nu/8dql
  Replies (2) Good night (572) Bad night (442)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"

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  (907): So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!" http://tfl.nu/9w9p
  Replies (0) Good night (1023) Bad night (293)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.

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  (215): Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit. http://tfl.nu/8h56
  Replies (3) Good night (403) Bad night (732)

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