so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children