I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.