is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours