Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting. (608): Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro. http://tfl.nu/1sa0
  Replies (18) Good night (1176) Bad night (2532)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.

  (323): View more from California

  Sounds like a plan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him. (323): Sounds like a plan. http://tfl.nu/lnib
  Replies (34) Good night (8447) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day http://tfl.nu/h495
  Replies (29) Good night (6573) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true." http://tfl.nu/yccu
  Replies (17) Good night (5784) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Haha. Niice.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  both.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack. (307): Haha. Niice. (479): Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered. (307): both. http://tfl.nu/wvm3
  Replies (46) Good night (5967) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top http://tfl.nu/zi79
  Replies (257) Good night (8372) Bad night (2381)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already http://tfl.nu/wb0t
  Replies (24) Good night (7697) Bad night (1312)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot. http://tfl.nu/xw8q
  Replies (11) Good night (2978) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase http://tfl.nu/f5g4
  Replies (13) Good night (3406) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now. http://tfl.nu/2zl0
  Replies (5) Good night (2093) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out? http://tfl.nu/j98q
  Replies (14) Good night (534) Bad night (2878)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift. http://tfl.nu/gpor
  Replies (5) Good night (830) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago http://tfl.nu/q8gp
  Replies (4) Good night (349) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around http://tfl.nu/8h5l
  Replies (4) Good night (289) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is. http://tfl.nu/ous1
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (108)

Randomize