after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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