the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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