So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
