Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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