Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
