Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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