My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
